How to Make Your Haters Like You

Having haters is a part of life. Hate comes in a variety of forms and can come from friends, family members, coworkers, classmates, associates and even random internet trolls.

Haters are the ugly side of success. If you have anything going for yourself, you’ve experienced hate. Whether you are intelligent, thin, curvy, in a relationship, single, have kids, or love your job, you are going to have haters. You hear the snide comments, see the random side-eyes, read the hateful comments under a social media post. You feel the tension when you try to discuss a recent win with a friend and then you find out that there are people dogging you behind your back.

Most people will tell you to just ignore your haters. They say that it’s just a part of life that you have to learn to deal with especially if you plan to do big things. And while that is accurate and sound advice, there is a way to turn some of your haters into friends.

The magic of asking for a favor

The quickest and easiest way to turn a hater into a friend is to ask them for a favor. It’s a well researched psychology technique called the Ben Franklin Effect^[1]. When you ask people who dislike you to help you out, it shifts their perception of the relationship and makes them view you as a friend instead of a foe.

Favors are for friends. You don’t usually do a favor for an enemy or someone you deeply dislike. It all has to do with cognitive dissonance. According to cognitive dissonance theory,^[2] there exists a tendency for people to establish consistency in their beliefs, values and opinions. When attitudes and behaviors become inconsistent, dissonance occurs.

The brain needs to eliminate the dissonance. The brain behaves as an outside observer. It continually watches and evaluates your actions and then contrives explanations for why you do what you do. Dissonance occurs most often in situations where an individual must choose between two incompatible beliefs or actions. So, in this case the reasonable belief is that favors are for friends. When you ask a hater for a favor, you create dissonance and the hater has to change their perception of you in order to perform the ask and eliminate the inconsistency.

Asking for a favor is also a subtle form of flattery. Dale Carnegie’s book How to Win Friends and Influence People suggests that requesting a favor allows the hater to feel that they have something we don’t. It levels the playing field in their mind. It also makes the hater feel admired and respected. They then not only want to help you but will also begin to see you differently. The hate dissipates.

Turn haters into friends

Asking a hater for a favor requires humility and a bit of thought. The favor should be something small enough that it is easily performed but not so trivial that it seems more of an insult than a favor. This means that you should consider the strengths, weaknesses, intellect and ability level of the person you are asking.

If it’s someone you don’t know, keep the ask simple. Borrowing some change at the vending machine or some other small item, asking them for assistance with an app on your smartphone or asking them to recommend a restaurant or other establishment are all great favors to ask for.

When you make your request, remember to ensure it sounds like you really need the favor and value the person’s help. Keep your tone humble and your body language open. And be sure you express your appreciation and gratitude for their help.

This technique is not just for haters. It works well with people you may not know well such as a colleague, mild acquaintance and even your secret crush. The simple action–making a small and reasonable request–can be the catalyst that transform a hater into a friend.

Experiencing hate as you work to become your best self is inevitable. Turning every hater into a friend isn’t a practical goal but you can befriend some. Simply humbling yourself, and asking for assistance in the form of a favor, is the first step in changing them from foe to friend.

Featured photo credit: Freepik via freepik.com

Reference

[1]	^	The Science Dog: The Ben Franklin Effect
[2]	^	Instructional Design: Cognitive Dissonance (Leon Festinger)

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This Increases Your Sleeping Time by 30%! The Ultimate Cure For Your Bad Sleep

Do you have trouble sleeping? Many issues can cause sleep deprivation including stress, hormonal imbalance, or even unfavorable sleeping environments. Some people tend to hear and feel everything around them when they sleep, while others sleep deeply.

This makes it easier for the former to wake up suddenly during the night to any slight noise or movement. Alternatively, it reduces productivity and creativity since the brain and body do not have enough time to rest. Nevertheless, the dream band is here to remedy this situation.

Your ultimate sleeping solution

This sleeping solution aids in improving sleeping patterns during sleep. The beauty of this product is the fact that it works in a personalized manner through sensors that respond to any brain changes as the user sleeps.

It was created by Rhythm, a neurotechnology company based in San Francisco and Paris. Through a team of seventy people, this amazing product was created with further input and consultation from ten research labs that are located in the USA and Europe.

Increase your sleeping time by 30% 

This band has numerous features that increase the rate of sleeping by thirty percent. It provides the user with subtle sounds as they sleep to prevent them from interrupting their deep sleep. This reduces the chances of the user experiencing issues such as memory consolidation, cellular regeneration, or even hormone regulation. This amazing device also senses the right time for the user to wake up and facilitates this. It offers the user ways that can help him or her improve their sleep.

Accurate and Safe to Use

Its accurate sensors and distinct features make it one of the best sleep improving inventions in the market. Its personalized approach to remedying sleep deprivation caters to the needs of all the users as opposed to a holistic approach.

The band recognizes that each individual has different issues and works to remedy the situation. The brain activity at the time of monitoring aids in controlling the features and triggering sounds that improve sleep. Forbes stated the following with respect to the product, “A cure for all this bad sleep, one that you can literally wrap around your head.”

The band uses five dry polymer EEG electrodes to detect the sleep stage that the user is in. The bone conduction technology used by the machine aids in stimulating and transmitting safe sound to the bone to facilitate the specific sleep stage that the user is in. Apart from this it also uses learning algorithms,  accelerometer, and Pulsoxy sensor to monitor the heart rate and frequency of breathing of the user. The band wraps around the head with the sensors in the fabric band and the internals on the top of the head to aid the user in achieving comfort.

Cool things website reviewed this product and thought that its design is comfortable enough to wear in bed. In fact, they advised users to equate wearing the device to wearing an eye mask as they sleep. For more information on this product, visit this website.

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Going Back to Frat House Living In Your Old Age Helps You To Age Better

Among the elderly, nursing homes, hospices and country-club retirement community homes aren’t the best of all places to spend their sunset days. But Beacon Hill Village in Boston is rewriting the narrative altogether, and the storyline is nothing short of jaw-dropping. A group of seniors who choose to stay adjacent to each other and strive to make their lives better has led to 190 similar communities springing up across the US.

Joseph F. Coughlin gave the community a visit, and while there, his story about a community creating an adorable aging experience sounds like it’s straight out of a fictional movie. A community of seniors, yet their daily life is reminiscent to happen on vacation, undoubtedly they are enjoying their lives. Impressively, they all relate to each other well, showing love and empathy even without the assistance of a caregiver.

Meet Joan Doucette, a 75-year-old cyclist member of the Beacon Hill Village

Imagine abandoning your regular 9-5, catching up with your ‘gang’ and planning a stimulating, adventurous and event-filled holiday? Sheer fun, right?

What Doucette and her 20+ colleagues are doing is what we all wish to enjoy as soon as possible, and their spirit of togetherness beats any other you’ve heard about before. They are lovely and carefree, regularly meeting for tea and movies, evening dinner at the local restaurants, some booze (exclusively men), chit-chats and adventure trips, on their bikes!

Away from Boston is another heart-melting village, San Francisco Village. Whenever one of their members is sick or needs reassurance after a significant setback, volunteers amongst its members uplift their friend. All the groups, as Coughlin writes, aren’t solely for fun and making memories amid their advanced ages.

They need no outside support

What’s impressive about the mantra within these facilities isn’t how they manage to shower each other with love and priceless warmth alone. Most of their members, especially those yet to attain 80 years, pursue different aspirations, including caregiving, engaging younger generations, organizing cultural fetes and volunteering. It is, perhaps a continuation of what their careers and occupations entailed and some nostalgia!

They accept challenges that threaten their newfound homeliness!

Joanne Cooper, a member of the membership committee at Beacon Hill speaks about the threats that they face and how they manage to pull through. Despite the whole community appearing a lot like a peaceful enclave, members exiting is a norm, either by date or voluntary withdrawal. Lack of funding and visionary leadership also forces similar villages elsewhere to close!

The post is, without a doubt, the best as it restores faith in humanity. This idea isn’t confined to the US alone since Homeshare program in the UK, and Switzerland and Germany’s Wohnen für Hilfe nearly have the same ideals. However, as the trend continues and the elderly enjoy their lives on their own, we, the rest, can’t help, but admire how moving the initiatives are.

To read the full article, click here.

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One Word That Will Secure Your New Year Resolutions

Every January, most of us start the New Year with fresh new resolutions, including the simple and realistic ones and some bizarre, impractical promises. But along the way, a sizeable number of us start to slowly lose sight of the goal and end up ditching all of them, one after the other. We may blame the failure to fulfill the resolutions on being over-ambitious, other more demanding commitments, and more excuses.

It is January, February or whatever month of the year and being a distinguished psychologist, Susan David knows why many resolutions go unfulfilled. She, therefore, sets out to help using an inspiring post – “Want to help your resolutions stick? Make this one-word change.”

Read about Ted and why Alex, his adopted son is worried!

Susan had a London-based client who also doubled as her friend called Ted – an obese, intrepid traveler and ardent lover of cheeseburgers and beers. Ted along with his wife, chose to adopt Alex, an orphaned Romanian boy whose artistic skills are simply phenomenal. But realized that his dad would die because of his failure to stick to his resolution of keeping fit, he did what not even a single ordinary boy can do. He did art of himself, desolate and abandoned!

How “The Orphan” changed Ted and made him re-look at his resolutions

Touched and inspired by the painting, Ted didn’t do what many would have done immediately. He, instead, started changing his lifestyle in gradual steps. As Susan writes, Ted “doubled down on discipline and willpower,” not because he needed to impress his wife and Alex or appear like he’s making a change. He’s a testament to how Susan’s “Want-to” ideology can help a person achieve any New Year’s goal with ease.

Lessons extracted from the post

It isn’t easy to stick to your promises and utterly fulfill all of them. But with a tiny tweak made, not in a rush, but rather by positioning your goals in terms of “want to” not “have to,” everything soon gets back on course to fruition. You see, she explains that behind every “want to” goal is unexplained genuine interest and values that are powered by personal enjoyment and the inherent importance of attaining the goal.

You can choose to pursue your goals out of the fear of failure and end up failing terribly. Consequently, you may set out to conquer your resolutions because, out of them, is a genuine appreciation from within your heart. She says that life is a series of small wins that, all of them combine to be one mega win. These aren’t even half of the lessons obtained from Susan’s “Want to help your resolutions stick? Make this one-word change,” and I’d recommend that you go through it.

To read the full article, click here.

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Being Proud Can Bring A Positive Force To Your Life

Nobody likes a show off. Pride is a double-edged sword. When you aren’t proud enough, you have trouble feeling successful. If you’re too proud, people mistake you for a narcissist. Are there ever times when pride is a good thing?

Today, we’ll take a look at the different types of pride and how it manifests itself. Pride is more than meets the eye, and you may discover some ways that pride is beneficial for us.

When pride goes wrong

Nothing in excess is ever a good thing–even a sense of pride. Pride is often negative because it puts emphasis on the ego and self at the expense of the group.

Too much praise can inflate a person’s ego and create a drive for external validation. If you rely solely on external praise for motivation, you’ll have a hard time with self-motivation. Enjoying undeserved praise can also get you into the bad habit of bragging to elicit praise.

People with too much pride develop a sense of superiority over others. When an individual is too proud, they may also be unwilling to ask for help, which can make their lives miserable. For these reasons, we generally don’t like to be around people who are too proud.

Pride doesn’t have to be all bad, though. It’s healthy to give and receive praise when it’s been earned. It’s important to offer appreciation when someone does something well, and it’s equally crucial to be appreciated.^[1] As long as people accept praise with a balance of pride and humility, there’s nothing wrong with being recognized for doing a good job.

5 reasons to enjoy the positive side of pride

1. You’ll hold high standards

Individuals who take pride in their work are more likely to have higher-quality outputs.^[2]

2. You can push back against negativity

When something doesn’t work out the way you want it to, you need some pride to keep going. Pride makes you resilient.^[3]

3. It’s a sign that you care

If you don’t take pride in what you’re doing, you probably don’t care about it.

4. Pride spurs leadership

When you really care about something, you’re willing to fight for it. If a project, organization, or place is in jeopardy, a proud person will become a leader to protect it.^[4]

5. Proud people look after their families

When you’re proud of your family, you go to bat for them. You try to give them the best things in life, and you won’t allow them to suffer in poor conditions.

How to use pride to your advantage

As long as you nurture the positive aspects of pride and keep your ego in check, pride can be a real asset. Remember, pride is about setting high standards, living up to them, and avoiding narcissism.

Hang with the right crowd

There are many ways to nurture pride and avoid selfishness. Surrounding yourself with the right kinds of people can go a long way to putting you on the right path. It’s been said that you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with, after all.

The right kind of people are the ones who will provide support and encouragement, but they’ll be honest with you. People who dole out praise when it isn’t deserved can over-inflate your ego. If you spend time with individuals who offer appreciation when you’ve done something well, they can help you build up a healthy sense of self.

Stay humble

You can feel a sense of pride and still show humility. Just because you do something well, doesn’t mean that you have to go out of your way to brag or seek praise. Be comfortable with knowing that you are doing your best work without having to have validation from outside sources.

Try new things

When you try something new, you give yourself permission to not be the best at something. Whether you’re setting out on a new creative endeavor or developing a fresh skill set, pick something that pushes you outside of your comfort zone. This will remind you what it’s like to be a beginner, and when you do master that skill, you will feel the pride of having achieved something new.

Do what you love

People need more external validation when they are unsatisfied with their work. For example, if you despise your job, you might develop an inflated ego to protect yourself from negative feelings. Work doesn’t always have to be fun, but you should derive some satisfaction from it without having to brag and seek rewards all the time.

Take time for self-reflection

Stopping to think about who you are, what you value, and how you’re feeling about life should be ongoing practices. Build in some time to think about how you feel. Are you noticing tendencies that suggest that your level of pride has become selfish?

By monitoring your feelings, you can adjust before extreme pridefulness damages your life. Create a plan of action for when you feel that you have developed an unhealthy ego. If you have trouble recognizing these things in yourself, look to a trusted friend or loved one to steer you in the right direction. The people you have the closest relationships with will have no problem telling you if you’re full of yourself.

Do something outside of yourself

Use your skills to help others. This could mean taking a new co-worker under your wing or volunteering your time in the service of those who need it. Serving others keeps you grounded, and it gives your life meaning. Even if you don’t have a lot of time, you can make the world a better place in small ways.

It’s okay to feel accomplished

There’s nothing wrong with believing in your ability and feeling good when you’ve done something well. Even as you advance, remember to stay grounded.

Reference

[1]	^	Wholistic Fit Living: When pride is good
[2]	^	Changing Minds: Pride
[3]	^	Debate.org: Is Pride a Bad Thing?
[4]	^	Lifestyle Magazine: 19 Reasons pride is important in a man

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What's The Story Behind Those Tattoos and Piercings?

Some people are wild about body art. They become living canvases of tattoos and piercings. We were curious to find out what drives people to get such modifications.

We talked to two people who turn heads when they walk down the street because of their obsession with body art. Regina is covered in tattoos. Sam has oh-so-many piercings. What are they trying to say, and what’s it like to walk through the world in their skin?

When you become living art

Lifehack: Why did you get so many body modifications?

Regina: I’ve always liked tattoos. I’m an artist, so it fits. I didn’t intend to get so many, but I got hooked.

Sam: When I was younger, I got into metal music, and the musicians had piercings. Music was like my lifeline, and those guys were my role models. I got my labret (lip piercing) when I was 16, and I haven’t looked back.

Lifehack: What have you learned from having so much body art?

Regina: It’s OK to be different.

Sam: I’m not afraid to stand out. Whenever I go somewhere new, I always have something to talk about with people. Most people aren’t so bad.

Lifehack: How do your loved ones feel about your tattoos and piercings?

Regina: I don’t really talk to my family. By the time my friends met me, I was already inked. The tattoos were just part of the package.

Sam: My family doesn’t mind at all. My mom took me to get my first piercing. My grandparents don’t really understand why I do this to myself, but they are ok about it.

Lifehack: How many piercings/ tattoos do you have?

Regina: I have 7 piercings and 37 tattoos.

Sam: I have 30 piercings, but I’m not done yet.

Lifehack: How much do you spend on body modifications?

Regina: A lot. The key when you’re getting this much ink is to go to a good artist. My guy doesn’t pick up a tattoo gun for less than $150 an hour. The more color and detail, the more expensive it’s going to be. I have about $20,000 wrapped up in these full sleeves, and there’s still more that I want to do with them. I can only get a little work done each year because of the cost.

Sam: I got a few of these – like my ears – done for less than $50 a piercing. These dermals were $150 for the three of them. It just depends on the area.

Lifehack: What kind of identity are you expressing with your tattoos/ piercings?

Regina: I’ve always gone against the grain, so it makes sense that I’d do it with my body too. The tattoos are my way of carrying art on my body at all times.

Sam: I’m not going for a specific identity. I just don’t want to be like everyone else.

Lifehack: Do you get shunned by society? Do people give you weird looks or comments?

Regina: I definitely get looks. My first few tattoos were small, so it didn’t matter, but once I got them on my neck, people started to stare. People do say things, sometimes. Just today, a woman screamed out her car window that I needed to go to church. Go figure.

Sam: The piercings on my face and head are pretty extreme by most standards. People might stare, but this hasn’t stopped me from doing what I want to do.

Lifehack: Is it acceptable for you to have this body art at work?

Regina: The tattoos are part of my work, so it’s fine. I know if I wanted to get a job in an office, I’d have trouble.

Sam: I’m a barber at an edgy shop downtown. It’s completely acceptable there.

Lifehack: Do you need to hide your body art?

Regina: It’s a tough for me to hide them now, but when I first met my fiance’s parents, I did cover them. I was afraid they’d be alarmed by my appearance.

Sam: I can’t cover them anymore. There’d just be big holes all over my face. It looks better when they’re in. People just have to accept me.

Lifehack: Did it hurt? Which one hurt the most?

Regina: Of course it hurt! Have you ever had someone dig a needle into your skin for several hours? The tops of my feet and my rib-cage hurt the worst. It felt like the needle was hitting bones the whole time.

Sam: My nipple piercings were the worst. They hurt so freaking bad! My dermals hurt too. It was totally worth it though.

There’s more than meets the eye with body mods

We enjoyed having Sam and Regina answer our burning questions about body modifications. Our interviewees reminded us that you can’t judge a book by its cover.

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Sometimes, Honesty Is Not The Best Policy

Liar, liar pants on fire. No one wants to get caught in a lie and appear to be dishonest or deceptive. But does telling a lie actually make you either of those things?

The truth is, there are some advantages to lying; and they aren’t always for self-gain. Sometimes people choose to lie to protect others and spare their feelings. Because let’s face it, the truth hurts.

Why do we even lie?

We all need to take a moment to be honest with ourselves and admit that we all lie. It is in our innate nature to deceive and sometimes protect.

Yes, we sometimes tell lies to cover up bad behavior, manipulate others, or rise to power and attain what we want.

But we also lie to spare the feelings of others, avoid unnecessary conflict, or to simply brighten up someone’s day.

Dishonesty is in our nature.

Researchers believe that the act of lying came into play after the development of language. It is the evolution of deceptive strategy, just as animals use camouflage to deceive their predators or prey.

In terms of efficiency, lying is the easiest way to rise to power and attain resources. If your enemy is larger and stronger than you, then physical force will not be very effective. But if you are able to outwit and manipulate your enemy; not only can you acquire their resources, but make them believe that it was their idea own idea.

How often do we lie?

This of course is relative to the individual. The frequency of lying was first documented by social psychologist Bella DePaulo.

She asked 147 individuals to record their blips of dishonesty throughout the day. On average, her subjects lied at least twice a day. The lies themselves were relatively harmless in nature; innocuous excuses for instances such as lateness. Or fibs that present a false image; saying that you ran 5 miles instead of the truthful 2.

We’ve been fibbing since we learned to talk.

In actuality, we are conditioned to lie at a young age. Didn’t your parents tell you to always thank your host for that “delicious” meal that you had to choke down? Social graces aside, it’s still a lie.

Children typically learn to lie between the ages of 2-5. Kang Lee, a psychologist from the University of Toronto studied children between the ages of 2-8 to gauge the kind of lies that children tell.

When children first begin to lie at the age of 2, it is an indication that they are starting to test out their independence. They lie simply to see what they can get away with.

By the age of 8, the children actually have the capacity of lying to spare the feelings of others. The results of the study actually found that these lies are motivated by empathy and compassion rather than deceit and manipulation.

Lying is a reflection of our goals.

Sometimes you don’t even need to open your mouth to tell a lie. A simple facial expression is enough to convey a mistruth.

Embellishments, exaggerations, these are the close counterparts to outright lies. But in this case, these lies are almost never malicious. But in fact, a projection of one’s aspirations.

In an experiment conducted by Robert Feldman, he questioned a number of students about their grades and efforts in school. Most of them were dishonest about their actual grades. But instead of becoming anxious as most people do amidst a lie, they became incredibly engaged and excited to boast about their achievements.

“We lie if honesty won’t work”- Tim Levine

Is there a difference between moral and immoral lying? If we’re being honest with ourselves, the answer is a resounding yes. Some lies are well intentioned- meant to protect those who are being lied to.

Lying has even been found to have psychological benefits for the liar. Those who are extremely honest with themselves are more prone to depression than those who are not. Overtly honest people are often construed as blunt, sometimes even pathological.

There are even interpersonal benefits to be gained from lying and knowing when it is okay to do so. In fact, if someone detects that you have lied to them to protect them, it could increase the trust that they have in you.

These well intentioned lies are known as pro-social lies.

Lying for the better good.

Pro-social lying involves four distinct constructs of human capacity: theory of mind, compassion, memory and imagination.

In this case, our choice to lie is a result of moral and emotional reasoning. We prioritize kindness over the importance of truth to spare other persons involved. As our brains develop, our moral reasoning progresses at the same rate as self-control as well as cognitive ability.

Further still, the most selfless of lies is known as a blue lie. These lies tend to be altruistic falsities that are actually told at the cost of the liar to protect someone else. In this case, we might subject ourselves to punishment for the wrongdoing of others.

Honestly, lying isn’t so bad.

What determines the magnitude of the lie is the intent behind it. Lies that are told to protect others can actually help to strengthen relationships. Other lies that are told to embellish ones image are debatably harmless.

It all boils down to one fact- we all have our reasons for the lies that we tell and the facts that we choose not to share. At the end of the day, what we don’t know won’t hurt us. Sometimes a tiny lie is necessary to ensure that all is well and all runs smoothly.

Featured photo credit: Movies with Mae via google.com

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This is How You Can Save Yourself From Feeling Sorry For What You Did

You are what you do. If you long for good health, make the decision that leads you to good health, and if you long for fortune and happy life, do what takes you to your dreams. The future us is built by the actions we do today and the decisions we make at this moment.

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Why Criticism Is Better Than Compliment

Think back to the last time you received a compliment and the last time you were criticized. No doubt, when you received the compliment, you felt good – and when you received the criticism, you felt upset and wanted to reject it.

You shouldn’t be surprised by your reaction to the negative comment, as it’s a human’s survival mechanism to avoid being criticized. Clearly, we don’t want to be seen as failures, so we’d rather shut our eyes and cover our ears than have to take any criticisms from others.

However, there’s a serious problem with this approach. Namely, by doing our utmost to avoid being criticized, we allow ourselves to travel on a never-ending highway of mediocrity.

Without receiving negative feedback and criticisms from others, our growth and opportunities become stunted. And in the long term, we’re not only liable to fail – but to fail badly.

The Microsoft KIN is an example of how lacking criticisms leads to a great failure. Launched in 2010, this smartphone was a major failure despite its $1 billion development and marketing costs. Unbelievably, the phone only lasted on the market for 48 days. The problem? Microsoft failed to do comprehensive testing of the smartphone with the target demographic. It was only after the phone went on sale that it became blatantly obvious that most 15 to 30-year-olds preferred Androids, BlackBerrys and iPhones to the Microsoft KIN.^[1]

If criticism and feedback had been received by the target demographic while the phone was in development, Microsoft could have avoided the huge embarrassment and financial loss that occurred. As the story above demonstrates, early criticism is a necessary factor for future success.

Excessive praise weakens your motivation

I believe that criticism is better than compliments. But why do I think that? Well, let me give you a metaphor that will explain my rationale.

Picture in your mind praise being a type of health food. Now, no one would argue that healthy nutrition is a bad thing. However, what’s good for you in small or measured dosages can be bad for you if you take too much of it. You may be surprised to hear this even applies to your water consumption.^[2] And your fruit consumption too.^[3]

Clearly, too much food or drink – no matter how healthy they may be – can make us ill. For optimum health, we need a balanced intake of healthy food and drink.

It’s the same with compliments. Receiving them from time-to-time is a good thing, but if they’re all you ever hear, then they’re likely to have a negative impact on your ability to achieve things in life.

Excessive compliments take us away from our original motivation of simply enjoying an activity. We start doing the activity purely for the sake of receiving ego-satisfying praise.

However, enough time being stuck in the latter, means we become imprisoned by praise. Without the expectation of praise, our motivation to complete things begins to be lost.

As an example of this, think back to a time when you were learning a new sport. If your coach only praised you, then you’d have missed out on being shown what things you were doing wrong. And as a consequence, your ability to learn and refine your techniques would have be diminished.

Criticism encourages growth

Just to be clear, I’m not talking about trolls or abusive comments, I’m talking about constructive criticism, which I like to think of as ‘healthy criticism’. Feedback that helps to make you stronger.

If you always think you’re right but don’t get feedback from anyone else, how do you know for sure that what you’re doing is any good? Listening and acting on honest views will tell you precisely what you’re doing well – and what you can do better.

This type of feedback forces you to evaluate your actions and the way you work. If you use constructive criticism wisely, it can guide you away from bad practices and move you towards good ones.

The right kind of criticism is honest feedback that will benefit you.

Grow strong through the power of criticism

Now that you’re familiar with the benefits of constructive criticism, let’s delve into several ways that you can use it to boost your productivity and success in life.

Criticism is generally more actionable than compliments.

For example, imagine you’re learning to play guitar, and in your first public performance your tutor says: “You did well.” Now, while these might be welcome words to your ears, they’re not as useful in helping you improve as: “Your timing needs some work.” With this piece of advice, you have specific guidance on how to quickly improve your performance skills. (You might need to spend hours playing alongside a metronome.)

Actively seek criticism by asking for feedback.

This could be in the form of a question.

Continuing the guitar playing example, you might ask your tutor (or other people who heard your performance): “What could I have done better?” You could also ask very specific questions. For instance: “Did my playing in the introduction sound in tune?”

Let’s be honest, most people don’t know how to give feedback – they typically offer vague comments filled with emotions. By asking specific questions, you’ll gain valuable feedback that will help you learn and develop quickly.

However, asking questions should also be to gain useful feedback, not to show you have doubts about your abilities and skills.

Take criticism with patience.

When you take criticism, I strongly recommend the following:

• Be quiet and listen. Try to listen to as many perspectives as possible to get a full picture and more points of view.
• Ask clarifying questions. Aim to understand what the other person means when they criticize you. Don’t make an initial judgement that they’re wrong. Understand first, then start to process their opinions.
• Ask for suggestions to improve, but always refer back to your goals. After clarifying the problem, seek for suggestions, but don’t just try to satisfy others’ needs. Instead, refer back to your goals to see how improvements can align with your original intentions.
• Take control of the process. Pick the right person. Typically, this would be someone who is honest, impartial but wants the best for you.

Rapid feedback is important.

Speed is also important when it comes to receiving feedback.

The sooner you get feedback from others, the faster you’ll know what to improve before going ahead with your plans or work. For example, if you’re planning on setting up your own business, ask some interested friends to provide feedback on your ideas. Do this before you launch your business, and you’ll save yourself valuable time learning the long and hard way.

Seek criticism instead of praise

The Power of Positive Thinking author Norman Vincent Peale said it well,

The trouble with most of us is that we would rather be ruined by praise than saved by criticism.

How true that is.

Fortunately, you now have the keys to help you move away from seeking praise – to instead, seeking constructive criticism. And once you start putting these keys to use, you’ll unlock the doors to a whole new way of learning, developing and succeeding.

Reference

[1]	^	Complex: The 50 Worst Fails In Tech History
[2]	^	Medical News Today: What happens if you drink too much water?
[3]	^	HuffPost: How Much Fruit Is Too Much, According To Health Experts

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Snacking Is The New Healthy Diet

When it comes to eating healthily, snacking has a bad reputation. It’s usually synonymous with unhealthy food, habitually eating between meals and gradually putting on weight.

But is snacking always an unhealthy habit? Could it actually help us lead a more healthy lifestyle?

Why Does Snacking Have Such a Bad Rep?

Snacking is a term used to describe eating between regular meals but it doesn’t automatically mean bad foods.

Snacking is primarily motivated by hunger which is when our blood sugar levels are low. This causes the body to crave fatty or sugary foods that will help bridge the gap until our next meal and get the blood sugar levels up in the quickest time. Therefore, snacking has been associated with weight gain.

However, many studies have shown that if a person has a generally balanced, healthy diet, snacking has no effect on weight^[1]. The idea that eating extra calories can only be detrimental to weight is another flawed premise. There are many ways that snacking can help you lead a healthier lifestyle.

Why Snacking is Actually Good For You

So why should we look at snacking as a positive rather than a negative? Is it time to make snacking a habit in our diet?

As long as you’re mindful of what kind of snacks you’re eating, snacking can be used as a way to lose weight and keep you feeling balanced throughout your day. Here’s how…

It Prevents Overeating

While snacking can be seen as adding extra calories, it makes sense that if you’ve kept yourself topped up through the day, you won’t overeat when you finally come to sit down for dinner. Hunger is the culprit here and, ironically, is the main cause for putting on weight. Feeling ravenous will make us eat up to 20% more than we need to eat so snacking to curb the hunger will keep you eating normal portions. Just make sure the snack is calorie controlled because you don’t want to fill up on processed foods only to not want to eat your healthy dinner.

Helps To Get More Nutrients

Smart snacking can be an advantage when it comes to getting all the goodness your body needs. It can be hard to get all the nutrients you need in three main meals especially if we have a busy day. This is where snacking can provide you with an extra healthy boost. Almost everything that isn’t processed can give us much-needed nutrients – nuts, seeds, cheese, fruit or vegetables. Low calorie snacks that fill you up can help your body power through the day more efficiently.

Keeps Your Energy Levels Up

We’ve all had that feeling of weakness and loss of energy when we feel hungry. This ultimately doesn’t lead to a productive day and causes concentration levels to waiver and irritability to rise.

Snacking basically prevents this from happening and helps maintain a positive healthy mind as well as body. In other words, snacking can keep us happy and prevents dips associated with negative feelings.

Healthy Snacks Can Create Smart Food Choices

Not only does it prevent overeating but it helps us make better choices when it comes to meal times. If our blood sugar is maintained, we are less likely to reach for the pizza or burger and instead consider a healthier choice.

Choosing or planning healthier snacks can also convince the brain that we want to carry on the healthy options well into the evening. So snacking on high protein, low fat foods such as protein shakes, plain yoghurts, raw vegetables, or nuts and seeds, can mean you don’t want to spoil your good work when it comes to lunch or dinner.

Snack Smart and Reap the Benefits

So, snacking is far from bad if you’re mindful of the types of snacks you choose. Maintaining your sugar levels and curbing your hunger will go towards eliminating unhealthy choices when it comes to your meals. Try not to over snack, just think of it as tiding you over and giving extra love to your body until your next meal. If you’re aiming to lose weight, snacking will help in your quest for weight loss if done in this smart and mindful way.

Remember to only snack if you’re genuinely hungry. Boredom snacking is very common, generally unnecessary and tends to happen just before a big meal. Try to avoid this and snack when you feel your body needs it not when your irrational mind is convincing you to. Avoid this and you can snack in a positive, healthy way.

Featured photo credit: Oluwaseun Duncan via pexels.com

Reference

[1]

^

http://ift.tt/2gnZNCX

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We Should All Be Feminists. Here's Why

The book We should all be feminists is written by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. A few people ask: “Why the word feminist? Why no longer just say you’re a believer in human rights, or something like that?” Because that could be dishonest. Feminism is, of direction, a part of human rights in fashionable – but to pick out to apply the vague expression human rights is to disclaim the particular and particular trouble of gender. It might be a way of pretending that it was no longer ladies who’ve, for hundreds of years, been excluded. It might be a manner of denying that the problem of gender targets ladies. That the problem changed into now not about being human, but mainly about being a female human. For hundreds of years, the arena divided human beings into groups after which proceeded to exclude and oppress one institution. It is best truthful that the solution to the hassle acknowledge that.

What does “feminism” imply nowadays? This is the query at the heart of We should all be feminists, a personal, eloquently-argued essay—adapted from Adichie’s heavily-regarded TEDx speech of the same name.

Feminism in the 21st century

With humor and levity, here Adichie offers readers a completely unique definition of feminism for the twenty-first century—one rooted in inclusion and focus. She shines a mild no longer only on blatant discrimination, however also the extra insidious, institutional behaviors that marginalize women round the world, with a purpose to assist readers of all walks of lifestyles better apprehend the regularly masked realities of sexual politics. All through, she attracts appreciably on her own reports—in the U.S., in her local Nigeria, and abroad—supplying an artfully nuanced explanation of why the gender divide is harmful for ladies and men, alike.

Speaking out about gender inequality

Argued within the identical observant, witty and smart prose that has made Adichie a bestselling novelist, right here is one tremendous author’s exploration of what it’s like to be a woman these days—and an off-the-moment rallying cry for why we have to all be feminists. Gender isn’t a clean communication to have. It makes humans uncomfortable, now and again even irritable. Every male and female are resistant to speak about gender, or are brief to push aside the troubles of gender inequality. Due to the fact thinking of changing the reputation quo is always uncomfortable.

Reading duration: 1 hour 19 minutes

A must-read book that will help you improve your image about feminism and how it affects us all. Get We should all be feminists from Amazon at $6.39

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How Can You Transform Your Hulk Anger Into Something Good?

No one likes an angry person yet it’s such a common feeling within all of us. Losing your cool and being described as having a ‘short fuse’ usually just means you’re unable to contain the negative feelings triggered inside you.

This kind of energy is deemed negative because it creates bad feelings inside of other people who are at the brunt of the anger and even cause the angry person to feel badly about themselves and the world around them.

But can this negative energy be used for good? Does it always have to be interpreted as a failing quality that affects people in a damaging way?

The Positivity Within The Emotion of Anger

Anger is found in most animals capable of emotions which indicates that there is some evolutionary reason why we are able to feel this emotion in the first place.

This reason is survival. Our job is to react to situations effectively in order to survive and if we feel threatened, attacked, frustrated or powerless we need to let the pack know to back off or stop what’s happening.

But anger could play another important role in our lives. Researchers Jennifer Lerner and Dacher Keltner, studied the effect of anger and fear on risk-taking individuals and found that anger gives you the same outlook towards risk as happiness. What does this mean? An angry person has an optimistic view towards risk estimates. They are more inclined towards taking risks which effectively means you can use this inherent inclination to change your bad habits and adopt good ones, according to author and researcher, Dr. Marcia Reynolds.

The Secret to Using Anger in a Positive Way

Reynolds goes on to explain that, “the skill is to shift the focus of your anger away from external circumstances to instead focus on what you strongly desire to change within yourself. It is not your flaky boss or overwhelming responsibilities that make you scream at strangers while you drive. You should be angry that it has taken so long for you to realise that you have the power to change your circumstances. Use your anger to initiate the positive shifts you need to change your life.”

So how can we use anger positively and change our internal world and our perception of the external?

Identifying Your Rage is the First Step

Being mindful of when you step into these angry feelings may seem hard but doing this in the moment is training you in positive self-awareness. It may not seem much but it’s an inner strength that will get stronger the more you use it. This inner strength will serve you throughout your life so in effect you are developing emotional tools that can help you relax. Learning to take yourself away from the situation and use breathing techniques to recover will help in many other stressful situations you encounter later on.

Use Anger to Learn Productive Conflict

Anger is usually synonymous with arguments. If you find you’re quite attacking when you’re in angry, argumentative mode then it means you have an opportunity to practice more self-awareness. Techniques such as slowing down your speech, pausing and breathing, and lowering your voice can all help your mind calm down in the moment. You may even find the other person mimics you in order to relax the situation.

It’s also an opportunity to consider the other person and why they may have their point of view and do this without judgement. Perhaps they haven’t understood what you’ve said or they also aren’t being mindful of how you feel in the angry moment. These moments are a wonderful opportunity for self-development, self-awareness and empathy.

Use Angry Energy For Motivation

Anger is an essential emotion because it allows us to process negative feelings and eventually let go of a situation in our lives. When the anger is all-consuming and lingering, this is when it can be damaging to our well-being.

Channelling negative energy into something positive is the best way of coping with that feeling of rage. Physical activity is the best way to do this as anger causes our body to speed up. If you need to improve performance in anything physical such as running, swimming or any other performance sport, doing this in a more angry state will help improve personal bests.

The good thing about anger, especially if it’s performance related, is you can choose to use it to fuel your desire to perform rather than focus on mistakes. It can even help channel effective brainstorming and solutions. This way you are taking away the negative energy directed at the feeling of anger and focusing it more on a positive solution.

Use Anger as an Opportunity to Grow

Anger may be a problem but know that it’s an essential part of being human and our emotional recovery. If you find you get triggered very easily it means you’ve integrated it more into your being than is necessary. But this doesn’t have to be bad. Truly see this an an opportunity to learn about yourself and your capabilities. Realise that it’s an opportunity to make a habit of drawing on your inner strength, create solutions to problems, understand others better and even motivate you performance-wise.

Anger doesn’t have to be so negative. Let it teach you to grow.

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How Not to Lose Your Best Employee

Finding good help is hard. When you have a good employee, you want to keep them around.

People leave positions for many reasons. Leadership plays a major role in job satisfaction. Those who feel unrecognized for their efforts are likely to walk. Those who deal with office politics, or find their managers to be self-serving may look elsewhere for a job.

Many people begin their job search under the radar, and as they interview, they recognize how undervalued they’ve become. If their job isn’t offering them opportunities for development and adequate compensation, you can bet that they’ll search for another employer.

While some people may have terrible bosses, many leave because of poor communication and general job dissatisfaction. It’s possible to set up systems so that your employees have the experience they deserve.

The ball is in the manager’s court

Managers are in a perfect position to turn things around for employees. One of the best ways to do this is by considering Catalyst factors and Nourishment factors.

Teresa Amabile and Steven Kramer discuss Catalyst and Nourishment factors in their book, The Progress Principle: Using Small Wins to Ignite Joy, Engagement, and Creativity at Work. These two factors help your employees remain engaged members of the team.

• Catalyst factors are events and structures that help people make progress at work. Setting clear goals and giving people resources and support to meet those goals are examples of catalysts.
• Nourishment factors tend to see employees as human beings. Getting to know them, showing respect, and offering emotional support are a few ways to offer nourishment.

Let’s take a look at a real life example of this.

Airbnb ranks number 6 out of 252 businesses evaluated for their employee experience.^[1] They have an excellent company culture, which directly affects their success as a business.

Their recipe for employee satisfaction isn’t rocket science. They consider employees needs in all aspects of their work environment. Company culture focuses on creating a welcoming environment, and their vision and mission are clear to everyone who works for them.

Airbnb recognizes that as they grow, their culture has to evolve so that everyone can stay connected.^[2] To ensure that employees are supported, they have a Global Head of Employee Experience tasked with making sure that everyone’s needs are met.

To be successful, employees need nourishment and catalysts. Employees in a supportive and engaging environment are more likely to stay with the company. They need the feeling of accomplishment that comes with making progress to give their work meaning and value.

Lead with catalysts: encourage progress

1. Set goals for projects

Setting clear goals gives everyone direction and holds them accountable for their progress.

If your team takes on a big project, have a meeting to set out short and long-term goals. Give employees a chance to speak up and ask questions. Every person can walk away knowing exactly what the end result of their efforts will be.

2. Build autonomy in the workplace

Give employees freedom to do their work in the way that makes best use of their talents. If you’ve set clear goals, it doesn’t matter how they reach the objective as long as they do. Micromanagement is guaranteed to stifle creativity and make people unhappy.

Some of the most talented and creative people don’t do well in extremely structured environments. Albert Einstein failed in school, and he was one of the most brilliant scientists of all time. That employee that never seems to do things the normal way but always produces excellent work is your Einstein.

3. Give people what they need

You wouldn’t try to bake a cake without having all the ingredients. You can’t ask employees to do great work if you don’t offer them the training and resources they need. Providing resources shows employee that the company cares about them and wants them to succeed.

Perhaps you notice that employees are having difficulty using the software at your company. Instead of getting upset, invest in training sessions to get everyone on the same page. They’ll see that you care, and they’ll be able to do the work.

4. Be conscious of your timeline

Giving employees an impossible deadline will discourage them and prevent them from being creative. Employees need deadlines, but they also need enough time to do their work.

When people feel the slight pressure of a deadline, they do their best creative work. According to Parkinson’s Law, tasks will take as much time as you give them.^[3] Your job is to find the middle ground between giving them too much time and not enough.

Imagine that you need a detailed report from your team. It’s a mountain of work. If you asked them to give you the report in a week, they might roll their eyes. The deadline is too ambitious. Instead, ask for a rough draft in two weeks and a final by the end of the month.

5. Roll up your sleeves

Employees don’t respect managers who spend their days hidden away in offices or vacationing on exotic islands. You don’t need to be in the trenches on the front line every day, but if you see that they need help, don’t be afraid to jump in.

Helping might mean mentoring a struggling employee, brainstorming with another colleague, or stepping in when you can see that a project is in trouble. Noticing when employees lack a resource and getting it to them is another way you can help.

The employee who is struggling is probably already nervous. They’ll be much more willing to learn if you offer to take them under your wing. That added support shows that you’re invested in their success.

6. Make it okay to fail

We’re taught to fear failure from an early age. Avoiding failure keeps us from taking risks and innovating. Make your work culture one where failure is a a valued part of learning. Employees will be more willing to step out of their comfort zone when you do this.

Pixar’s culture revolves around failing fast and often.^[4] Every employee is free to voice their opinions on creative matters, and when they make mistakes, they are actually making progress and trying to breakthrough.

7. Use your ears and give them a voice

Empowering employees to speak up allows ideas to flow freely. Encourage everyone to share their opinions. By hearing diverse perspectives and respecting constructive criticism, you can learn how to support your team and the company’s goals.

I worked for an organization that called together teams from across the region. One team traveled 6 hours to the meetings, while others traveled 3 hours or less. The team with the longest commute voiced their opinions to their manager, who moved the gatherings to a central location. All the teams felt that this was fair, and they believed that their voices were heard.

Nourish your team: respect and support

1. Show employees respect

You set the example for how others should be treated. When an employee comes to you with a concern, consider what they have to say. Even if you don’t agree with them, it’s important that they feel their concerns are heard.

Imagine a team member comes into your office with a problem that seems trivial to you. Hear them out. If the issue is affecting their experience, it may be affecting others as well. By giving them the space, you can make the environment better.

2. Give encouragement

Recognizing effort and accomplishment makes employees feel good, and it shows that you’re paying attention. Lack of appreciation is a major source of unhappiness in the workplace. Take the extra moment to offer a compliment or provide formal recognition, and you’ll create a sense of loyalty and pride.

You might notice that a team member puts in extra time to make sure that their work is high quality. Acknowledge that you’ve seen how hard they work. They’ll feel that they’re part of something bigger.

3. Offer emotional support

You aren’t a therapist, but you can listen. Everybody has a bad day or gets frustrated sometimes. Recognize the effect that the employee’s mood has on the workplace so that you can give them the support or space that they need to feel better.

Imagine that one of your employees experienced a death in their family. They try to come back to work the day after the funeral, but they’re clearly upset. You may be able to support them by letting them know that it’s okay for them to take a few days off to mourn. When they come back, they will be able to do their work, and they’ll know you see them as a human being.

4. Bond your team

Find ways to help coworkers trust and appreciate one another. As they solidify bonds, they’ll be able to have a more pleasant and fun working relationship.

Have a company picnic or celebrate birthdays. Organize an intramural sports team or plan a company trip. These are opportunities for people to socialize and build memories as a team. At Lifehack, we celebrate employees’ birthdays and have regular activities like hiking and video-gaming sessions to engage the team.

Make your best hires stay

You can make the best hires, but if you can’t keep them, your business will never grow. Consider Catalyst and Nourishment factors to improve work culture and help employees have a better experience.

Small actions can have major impacts on how your people view their job. Support them, and your superstar employees will stick around.

Featured photo credit: Pixels via pexels.com

Reference

[1]	^	Medium: 3 Lessons from Airbnb on Creating an Amazing Employee Experience
[2]	^	The Future Organization: How Airbnb Creates Amazing Employee Experiences
[3]	^	Impossible: A Beginners Guide To Parkinson’s Law: How To Do More Stuff By Giving Yourself Less Time
[4]	^	Virgin: Why failure is a key part of Pixar’s culture

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If You Belong to The 9 to 5 Working Class, You Need This

Do you frequently experience muscle spasms, stiffness, and neck pain, especially when travelling? Sleeping as you, travel is quite normal. The entire process is draining and tiring, which makes it normal for most people to opt to sleep through the entire journey.

However, it is not beneficial to the neck and back. The uncomfortable head positioning leads to soaring muscles around these two areas, which could be detrimental to their movement for some time. This immobility leads to serious aches and pains that might sometimes need the intervention of the doctor or medications to ease it.

Make Your Neck FeelComfortable

The DPL neck relief pillow is a therapeutic alternative system that uses various features to make sure that the user does not have neck related pains and aches. Its form is dense and very comfortable allowing the user to have long sleep hours. The s light therapy company incorporated infrared and red light into it to help curb any stiffness, soreness, and muscle spasms during the journey. The product also aids in neck relaxation and promotion of blood circulation.

It’s Good for Both Home and Travel Uses

This pillow is good for both homes and travel use. This is especially the case for people who frequently suffer from neck related pains. The pillow’s red light and infrared properties allow the user to achieve quick relief when using it. It can be used at any time during the journey, thanks to its power options. This pillow has two power options, namely the standard outlet or the USB outlet. This amazing pillow is also cleared as an OTC class-two medical device. Purchasing it includes an instruction manual, a year’s worth warranty, and a neoprene material LED pad.

A Relief to Your Neck Pain

This product aims at providing temporary relief for people who suffer from neck stiffness, pains, and spasms. The treatment is similar to that offered by chiropractors. A drug-free alternative illustrates the benefits of increasing blood circulating in different areas of the body to ease built-up tension and stress. The red light and infrared emitted are safe for all the skin types.

At home, the user could use it to ease up stressed neck muscles that have tensed up due to working out. The blood circulation aids in repairing tissue and healing any injury caused by sports or exercising. The temporary treatment penetrates deep into the soft tissue and the joints in the neck. It is offered at an affordable price in comparison to the price spent on neck pain medications, consultations, and treatment. It is the first of its kind in its market.

this product Is one of the safest, fastest, and most natural means of neck treatment in the market. A fourteen minute means of treatment, which is convenient for people who suffer from serious neck pains and have busy schedules.

You can use at any time and place including the office, car, and plane. For more information on this product and its purchasing details, visit here.

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